Owen Thomas, the longtime writer of the Silicon Valley gossip website Valleywag, which was recently chopped back and folded into Gawker, is departing. From an email inside the Gawker mothership:
"There's still a couple weeks to give Owen a proper send-off, but I just wanted to let you all know that he is indeed leaving us. But Valleywag will live on, and he's agreed to help out the new person — someone who you may already know! — who will be taking over. As they say, more to come..."
This makes me so happy!
Yeah, me too.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Owen!
I keep expecting Jackson West to pop-up somewhere....
Proper send-off? Hmmm, gasoline is a bit expensive nowadays, but sure!
Tire Fire!
Tar & feathers are still pretty cheap.
why bother?
Oh BrianVan. You're the finest example of everything-wrong-with-the-modern-man I know.
DorothyMantooth liked this
I will continue to not read Valleywag in protest. Oh, do people not like that guy? Well, I will celebrate by continuing to not read Valleywag.
Ditto.
Here's hoping his future career matches the mediocrity and banality of what he's done so far. Go to hell Owen.
Things are finally looking up for ol' Gil.
Aw, my hot plate! I only had two payments left...
Well shit. Hating Owen was the last reason I had to read Gawker. WHY MUST MISTER DENTON INSIST ON ALIENATING ME SO CRUELLY?
NinetyNine liked this
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But when will he finally be brought before a War Crimes Tribunal?
It's not technically torture when the victim consents.
The art of writing was Roofied, madame, and unable to consent when the act took place.
But would he be redeemed if someone finally taught him to read?
Campy, like in The Reader.
I'd be satisfied with dinner at the Stanford dorm...
With Condi playing Pennario's March Of The Lunatics as accompaniment of course.
With Condi playing Pennario's March Of The Lunatics as accompaniment of course.
Bis!
If they prosecute Owen, it's only fair that Nick Douglas is brought up on charges as well.
Yes, but with him there's the question of intent - would you prosecute a dog for eating its own vomit?
showmeonthedoll is a fan of this
I just think we need to look forward guys and take a cue from our President. Prosecuting Owen will not bring back those untold lost hours of our lives.
That puppy's long since been tossed. (Along with my cookies when I got a good look at a photo of the guy.)
This is the Sicha method of announcing that he is the new writer for Valleywag.
I hear Portfolio is hiring.
Everybody on this thread has an icon. Sorry, "avatar". Gays.
Icon is good. I don't go for that fancy Sanskrit crap.
I don't think I know how to do that.
Okay. Daddy figured it out.
I spend a good portion of each day trying to figure this out. Everything with time, I suppose.
Nicely done, rod_.
Technically, it's a 'gravatar' which is why I don't have one. Also, some of us are not gay but are in fact homely single women.
All women are beautiful. Don't you read Jezebel?
I think the worst insult I ever got was at a conference when someone came up to me and said, "You look nothing like your avatar." *deflate*
How you do that?
http://www.gravatar.com.
ND: Owen?
OW: Yes Nick?
ND: I've got a new assignment for you.
OW: What's that Nick?
ND: Training your much cheaper and much sexier replacement.
OW: You're giving my job to Moe?
ND: I said cheaper, you fuckwit.
How on Earth did you obtain this classified email?
I love you LolCait.
Oh, LolCait, thank God you're here.
Richard, I mean this nicely
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzA-4eK-WRA&feature=related
(also, it's been in my head since Balk's VH post below)
Come to the light.....
Can someone tell me why they never get the time zone for Valleywag (and Defamer) right?
It ain't 4:07 pm here.
Ding Dong the dick is lead.
We need a like button, Y'awl. Consider yourself liked.
Wow, I didn't realize Owen was so hated. Will Tionna Smalls be the new Valleywag?
Nick Denton doesn't care about black people.
How will I know which celebrity parents of tragically deceased children or cancer-stricken Silicon Valley icon to direct my misplaced vitriol at? Who do I hate? Hold me! Oh wait, I hate you.
Just remember that Mark Zuckerberg is a failure, and you should be good until a replacement is hired.
God! That was the most annoying thing about him.
All this "Facebook's paranoid, genius, screw-up, kid-CEO Mark Zuckerberg is probably reading your personal messages right now. I'm not saying that he is, I'm just sayin'" bullshit got old sooo fast.
Holy sweating christ it's about time. A quick perusal of Owen's posts is a highlight reel of unbridled ignorance and hackery.
The word "vitriol" comes to mind when I read Owen's posts.
Silly me. I was afraid to say anything mean. Wherever shall I now look for passive-aggressive homophobic gossip disguised as Silicon Valley news? But moving on, can somebody tell Gawker to frack off with the use of the term "The Gays," as if we all get together once a week at the Gay People Club on Christopher Street to make sure our agendas remain in alignment?
Girl, don't be bitter just because we don't invite you.
Heh. Are you busy tonight? Oh never mind, I have to memorize my HRCF manifesto before The Gays will renew my membership.
Careful what you wish for. They may make "the geighs" the new standard.
We'd invite you to the meetings if you'd clean that smampy hole. Or not clean it. I forget which one is "hot" this week.
But don't you?
And if not, then who decided that these are this year's sunglasses? I demand answers!
happy may day, indeed.
Yes, Happy May Day.
Arise ye workers from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Servile masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old tradition
And spurn the dust to win the prize.
So comrades, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.
So comrades, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.
No more deluded by reaction
On tyrants only we'll make war
The soldiers too will take strike action
They'll break ranks and fight no more
And if those cannibals keep trying
To sacrifice us to their pride
They soon shall hear the bullets flying
We'll shoot the generals on our own side.
No saviour from on high delivers
No faith have we in prince or peer
Our own right hand the chains must shiver
Chains of hatred, greed and fear
E'er the thieves will out with their booty
And give to all a happier lot.
Each at the forge must do their duty
And we'll strike while the iron is hot.
I vote you head camp counselor of the Red Diaper Babies Summer Camp of my heart.
Good riddance, bad rubbish, &c.
He was the only writer there who could make fucking Lawson look like he had something to say.
There, there, Wookie, let me straighten this thing out. Here, here, how's that feel? You like? Better? All good now. xo
I'm gonna miss fighting with him over his attacks on that dead kid's parents.
But enough with the "Owen sucks" stuff. I wanna talk about this: "... the new person â€" someone who you may already know! â€" who will be taking over."
WHO COULD IT BE?
Ryan Tate maybe? That's my theory.
Could be. I believe Ryan Tate is in Berkeley.
HA!! I WAS RIGHT!!
Read this, and scroll to the "update" at the end: http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/05/01/the-valleywag-out-owen-thomas-leaving-gawker/
This is good news, as Ryan is a great writer and a very fine human being.
Now the next burning question is: Who will the new "night editor" be?
Will Denton use this oppurtunity to finally get a woman back on the writing staff?
Oh thank Christ. When I got to the line "someone who you may already know" I started murmuring aloud, not Nick Douglas, not Nick Douglas, not Nick Douglas.
and damn fine looking, too!
Agreed. It's excellent news. He and Richard are the ones I still read.
I was always dead certain that Ryan Tate and Nick Denton were the same guy. Or at least sleeping together
While I'm glad to see him go, who is going to take the mantle of bitter gay and intense JA hate?
"Owen has a reputation as a fearsome gossip writer. What’s less known is his penchant for management. It sounds like this NBC job will give him the responsibility he’s been craving â€" and take him out of the Valleywag firing line! We’re replacing him internally. More on that later."
I was really hoping the word after "ponshon for" was gonna be something much more... Denton-ian.
(p.s. Good call, Hippity!)
I read "penchant for management," coupled with "and take him out of the Valleywag firing line!", as pretty thinly veiled Dentonspeak for "good riddance to this officious, thinskinned douchebag, finally." I mean, I could be projecting, but still.
Oh, totally! But it was just too veiled for my taste. I was really hoping he'd give us something a little meaner to chew on.
I was hoping for "ponfar".
Wow. That is gayface if I've ever seen it.
So much is falling into place now.
I couldn't figure out which part was the worst, but I'm going to have to go with the giant manicured eyebrows.
That said, the fake-as-Miami 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep' smile comes close.
Talent for management indeed.
I think Al Jolson would've made a good Worf.
It's like the first line of that great tune by Marley & Me.
"Exodus, Movement of the Penis"
Good to know that despite publishing's move to the web the Peter Principle is still valid.
Also, if Nolan and Richard leave too maybe I'll get my comment privileges back.
They're still considered "privileges"??
Well, maybe not. I'm not "enabled." But not executed... (I can still clip articles! Yay!) But I really want to post and ask why they can run this photo, uncredited. http://gawker.com/5237938/surly-seniors-become-sad-divorcees
I response to Owen's leaving, here's a good-bye using his own writing formula:
-Fact (Owen is leaving)
-Very strange interpretation of said fact (Because he is so talented)
-Random accusation about person who may or may not be involved with said fact (And Denton hates the gays)
-Quasi-philosophical, overly trite conclusion (Therefore the world would be a safer and happier place if Facebook had never been created).
So tomorrow is my father's 80th birthday. Going out to the farm to observe the occasion: a great musician friend is coming to do a serenade, I am bringing my (so-called) famous deviled eggs, to which I am adding a little bit of American paddlefish caviar, sprinkled on top.
My mother, on the other hand, died 24 years ago. What she always used to say... was just one of those aphorisms that you may have heard from your own mothers.
She said (used to say): "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
So Owen, that's it!
I never liked Owen.
Ditto. He is a bully, among other things.
I cannot tell you how happy these comments make me. All this time, I thought I was the only one!
You guys really do like this guy. I don't read Valleywag, so...
Silicon Valley gossip is an oxymoron anyway.
i was too busy to take part in this on friday and i am really upset that i missed pillorying twitter twat BUT WHATEVER.
Someone refresh my memory: Did Mary Rambin end up shooting him in the balls or didn't she?
Either way, I welcome the opportunity to continue to not read whatever foolish outlet gives him a byline next.