On The Impossibility Of Identity
Whenever I'm asked—weirdly, it happens with some frequency—which celebrity I most resemble I always answer Mike Tyson, which I for some reason think is hysterical, although I recently developed what seems to be a permanent Maori tattoo of stress-acne below my right eye, so I guess the joke's on me. Anyway, this Michelle Orange essay on familiar faces is lengthy, discursive, and unsettling. I liked it a lot.
Hope you want to know who we think you look like.
Luis Guzman?
I'm thinking Julianne Moore. For sure. (seewhatIdidthere)
If you would let us see A SINGLE FUCKING PHOTO OF YOUR UNOBSTRUCTED FACE, I could solve this for you.
Otherwise, I'm going with the guy who looked after Uncle Junior on that show about those guys.
Chris Noth, I know I'm the only person who thinks this.
OMG you are in love with Balk.
Uh, except I'd rather have sex with a member of my own family on the grounds that it would be LESS like incest. No offense, Alex!
Also, you wouldn't have to vacuum your bed afterwards.
I think I've met the day's quota of "Alex Balk is hirsute" jokes. I'm spent.
Generously, I'd say Liev Schreiber.
Less generously…let me think about it and come back to you.
Alan King before the Rapture.
Mather Zickel in Rachel Getting Married… so i've read.