We don't always cover every story that happens during each day's news cycle, so here's a capsule summary of recent events: President Obama, flanked by Arnold Schwarzenegger, announced plans to regulate both auto emissions and computer networks which have the potential of becoming self-aware and engaging in a time-bending war against humanity; the President then knelt down and allowed the California governor to stroke his hair. Sri Lanka's government confirmed the death of Tamil Tiger guerrilla leader Velupillai Prabhakaran; House Speaker Nancy Pelosi immediately held a press conference to deny that she had ever seen a name with so many vowels in it before. Steven Spielberg's DreamWorks acquired the rights to the life of Martin Luther King, Jr.; the studio is rumored to be planning a computer-animated 3-D extravaganza entitled Martins Vs. Aliens in which the slain civil rights leader, voiced by Robert Pattinson, will battle oppression, injustice, and buglike warriors from outer space. NBC canceled the Jason Lee sitcom "My Name Is Earl" after learning that "Weeds" actress Mary Louise Parker would not show her nipples in it. Mark Cuban's brother-in-law came forward with details of an alleged contract allowing the Dallas Mavericks owner to insult Denver Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin's mother while they were filming their NBA conference semi-finals. The Earth continued to revolve around the sun.