We don't always cover every story that happens during each day's news cycle, so here's a capsule summary of recent events: The Dow rose nearly 200 points on news that celebrity Twitter user Ashton Kutcher might stop using the service if the microblogging platform went through with plans to shoot a series of "The Real Housewives" in Washington, DC. A Chinese investment group purchased 15% of Cleveland Cavaliers basketball star LeBron James, causing the Orlando Magic's Dwight Howard to carry out missile tests near the Sea of Japan. Mel Gibson confirmed that he had impregnated Bristol Palin, drawing immediate condemnation from New York Times op-ed columnist Ross Douthat against Palin. Regulators in several German states banned Red Bull cola after tests revealed that the beverage contained traced elements of a substance which might make Germans interesting. The Governor general of Canada gutted Jay Leno and consumed a slice of his heart in hopes of preventing the outgoing "Tonight Show" host from "delivering us into a state of torpor and despair even earlier in the evening." The Earth continued to revolve around the sun.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
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But it's taking longer.
Every thing read a bit "beginning of the weekish" until the "...which might make Germans interesting". I then lost my shit.
The whole thing made me holler with delight.
I love this feature so much. It always stimulates me to visit my local library to learn more.
This thing is remarkably more difficult to assemble than it seems. And the yield seems to be about four comments daily. I don't want to get all "Chuck" on you guys, but if the numbers don't pick up I will CANCEL THIS THING IN A HEARTBEAT. Also, I think it's hurting our credibility with Google News.
Wouldn't that be a point in its favor?
Tough call. I mean, God forbid we actually break a story, it'd be nice to get the credit.
Threats of cancellation? Why not do like Jericho and LOST and start some Alternate Reality Game full of dive bars and taxicabs for us to cry in so we can feel closer to you?
Oh wait, I kind of already have one of those... albeit unofficially. (And no crowding, please!)