There is a new book about high-functioning alcoholics written by a woman who claims membership in the tribe but was really ONLY A BINGE DRINKER, which is the prop comedy of alcoholism. Binge drinkers are the sports fans who start paying attention when their team makes the playoffs of alcoholism. Binge drinkers are "I only snort, no needles" heroin users of alcoholism. I DISPUTE HER AUTHORITY. Also, where is the survival guide for mid-functioning alcoholics, because that is something that I could really use.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
18
Balk, word to the wise, pepto bismol is your best friend.
I'm more of a Zantac guy.
Prilosec enabled me to rot my liver with impunity for several years...until my blood test came back at my last physical and showed that my liver was, indeed, rotting.
I find that my binge drinking is enhanced by a stiff hot shot of coke and heroon. It wakes me up a little more than usual while also giving me that vazeline-on-the-lenz take on life that protects me from the demons. Although I have to shoot it in my neck now that the rest of my veins have collapsed...but whatevs.
And that ladies and gentleman is what I call "high" functioning.
What Srvival Guy? Here he is, over here.
No, over here. And also there.
"It's estimated that twenty percent of those afflicted are actually educated, SEEEEEMINGLY successful people."
"SEEEMINGLY." Jesus H. I got all of 13 seconds in before needing to stop. I'd say something hilarious about needing a drink, but that shit ain't funny.
"I wasn't necessarily a daily drinker"?! And someone gave this woman a book deal about being an "alcoholic"?! Balk, it's like you & I are the only ones who care about verisimilitude anymore.
Doesn't everyone know that an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than you that you don't like?
I am a fair-weather fan of my own alcoholism as I occasionally check in on myself wandering the bars at night.
I do NOT have a drinking problem.
This woman is the worst kind of addict, she's a recovery addict. I hate these people, they think everyone who takes the occasional tipple is an in-denial alcoholic.
Well, how the hell are you supposed to function at a high level in this world these days WITHOUT being an alcoholic. I already heard this feeb on NPR. Made me open a bottle of wine for lunch.
My mother once told me I reminded her of her grandfather.
The binge drinker.
I think of it as a leisurely pace, myself.
Wait, am I to understand that drinking as much as you want and maintaining a "high-functioning" lifestyle is a bad thing?
If my probation officer let me...I would raise my glass of Jack Daniels to you .
The survival guide for midfunctioning alchoholics is an oral, not written, tradition. Hang around the kind of midlevel dives and meet old drunks of either gender and ask him or her the questions. Buying them their drinks reveals more truth more quickly.