Japan: One, Two, Three Wipes You're Out At The Old Ballgame

This Is What Japanese Baseball Fans Shit OnI was admittedly kind of bleary when I read this article on Sunday morning, but in the cold harsh dawn of Monday it is still BAFFLING AND AMAZING. Short version: When the Boston Red Sox acquired Japanese pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka in 2007, they shelled out a $51 million posting fee to the Seibu Lions, his previous team. The team took the money and went to town on renovations in the Seibu Dome, their stadium. Most importantly, they fixed the toilets.

Anyway, this entire article is about toilets and Japanese culture. Some of it seems translated through Babelfish. If it contained a paragraph index, the entry for toilets would read:

Toitlets: as cause for boastfulness regarding supremacy of Japanese stadium restrooms, 21; as incentive for increased alcohol consumption, 13; as tribute to accomplishments of sports figure, 5; combination with bidet of in female facilities, 7; comfort level with specific toilets as contributor to overall comfort level, 6; decreased time spent waiting for, 16; displeasing aesthetics of dingy latrines, 7; importance in Japanese custom of, 6; inspiration for repeated visits, 8; opportunities provided by for contemplation of athlete’s legacy while sitting on, 7

You should print it out and go read it on the can.