Thursday, May 21st, 2009

I don't even know anymore.

In the service of parents everywhere, Fox Atlanta today released a list of text acronyms parents should know. As much as we applaud their commitment to child safety and paternal supervision, many items on the list are inaccurate or flat-out wrong. Here are the actual translations. Print them out and keep them by the computer; they're bound to come in handy.

8 Already had dinner at home
1337 Confiscating Aquitaine
143 $1 for 3 balls [at amusement park]
182 Punk but with pop sensibilities
1174 Weaned from breast too young
420 Actually enjoy Phish
ADR I have an attention deficit disorder and am prone to typos
ASL Deaf, American
Banana Need calcium badly
DUM Dreading Upcoming Menstruation
DUSL Dreading Upcoming Science Lab
FB Fuck Bono
FMLTWIA Fuck Michael Lewis, "TrailFever" Was Inadequate, Annoying
FOL Fond of Leno [easily amused]
GNOC Want potato dumplings
GYPO Roma people put a curse on me where I lose weight no matter how much I eat
IAYM I Adore Yellow Mustard
IF/IB If Slash Is Busy [promise made by musicians trying to diplomatically avoid doing a celebrity cameo on your album]
IIT Does your vagina have the necessary tenacity that will provide me with pleasurable friction during the act of intercourse? [Alternately: I'm In Town!]
ILF/MD I am a doctor who really enjoys fishing
IMEZRU I am going to perform your baptism
IWSN I Want Sting Neutered
MOOS Huge CNN fan
WYCM Why did you ejaculate?
NALOPKT asljasfalsfdj [laughter]
NIFOC Nuke Iran For Our Comfort [mainly used by American pundits chatting with Israeli Prime Ministers]
NMU My SATs suck
PAL Parents Are Listening
PAW Parents Are Watching
PIR Parent In Room
POS Parent Over Shoulder
SorG Rex Sorgatz listening/watching/in room/over shoulder
TDTM Felching

27 Comments / Post A Comment

My next tattoo: FMLTWIA.

Ted Maul (#205)

I enjoyed this ever so much.

EleanorRigby (#685)

My dad would always say "POS! POS!" when I was on IM in high school. I'd say, "Yes, Dad, piece of shit."

mathnet (#27)

You were born in November of 1974?

Abe Sauer (#148)

FOX = Yes, But Only For Pay

brent_cox (#40)

Wow, kids are smart, and ironic.

Sarcastro (#328)


I mistreat my genitals with a hammer.

mathnet (#27)

I'm kind of encouraged by Kids' use of "W" instead of "H."

karion (#11)

This falls into a whole new category of brilliance.

I really am craving gnocchis now. GNOC!

mathnet (#27)


karion (#11)


Shirkimer (#423)


What would Arthur Kade do?

BlinkyMcChuck (#202)

Atlanta, man. Those kids are ADVANCED…

slinkimalinki (#182)

Alarmingly Deviant Virgins And Nicely Clothed Engineering Dorks?

Damn. My license plate has a filthy mouth.

Mary Mouse (#670)

Number 15 on their list is blank – what was it???

BeRightBack (#59)

Right, it works because Slash is never busy.

MILTRT. So if I can't read or write, I'll just wait for an iphone app to descramble my babbling.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Just wait til these kids find out what their parents are texting about

401 Have you rolled over the 401(k) yet?
CHI Let's go to Chili's for dinner
NTTT Not tonight, too tired
NIFOPCF Nude in front of primary care physician
RMGRMS Rock me gently, rock me slowly
ZIN Can you pick up a bottle of Zinfandel on your way home?

Shirkimer (#423)

ROTFL (Reflecting on Tina Fey's Labia)

Hez (#147)

LOL Laproscopy on Leg
STFU Soaked Trousers From Urine
IIRC Irretrievably Inebriated Roman Catholic
AFAIK My engagement ring is a cubic zirconia

HUGGLYF: Correspondent is really into embracing with the arms, sometimes sexually but mostly not.
LGTTPB: Let's go to the mall.
2CAPfan13: Special volunteer with the sherrif's department.

katiechasm (#163)

"Fond of Leno" Oh my god. I am going to use these all the time.

HiredGoons (#603)

well, aren't we easily amused.

katiechasm (#163)

In the sense that these were funny. Not Leno, of course. (What kind of person do you take me for??)

HiredGoons (#603)

TLBC = Tastes Like Bill Clinton.

David (#192)

"Banana = Need calcium badly"? That CAN NOT be the real translation ;-)

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