I don't even know anymore.

In the service of parents everywhere, Fox Atlanta today released a list of text acronyms parents should know. As much as we applaud their commitment to child safety and paternal supervision, many items on the list are inaccurate or flat-out wrong. Here are the actual translations. Print them out and keep them by the computer; they’re bound to come in handy.

8 Already had dinner at home
1337 Confiscating Aquitaine
143 $1 for 3 balls [at amusement park]
182 Punk but with pop sensibilities
1174 Weaned from breast too young
420 Actually enjoy Phish
ADR I have an attention deficit disorder and am prone to typos
ASL Deaf, American
Banana Need calcium badly
DUM Dreading Upcoming Menstruation
DUSL Dreading Upcoming Science Lab
FB Fuck Bono
FMLTWIA Fuck Michael Lewis, “TrailFever” Was Inadequate, Annoying
FOL Fond of Leno [easily amused]
GNOC Want potato dumplings
GYPO Roma people put a curse on me where I lose weight no matter how much I eat
IAYM I Adore Yellow Mustard
IF/IB If Slash Is Busy [promise made by musicians trying to diplomatically avoid doing a celebrity cameo on your album]
IIT Does your vagina have the necessary tenacity that will provide me with pleasurable friction during the act of intercourse? [Alternately: I’m In Town!]
ILF/MD I am a doctor who really enjoys fishing
IMEZRU I am going to perform your baptism
IWSN I Want Sting Neutered
MOOS Huge CNN fan
WYCM Why did you ejaculate?
NALOPKT asljasfalsfdj [laughter]
NIFOC Nuke Iran For Our Comfort [mainly used by American pundits chatting with Israeli Prime Ministers]
NMU My SATs suck
PAL Parents Are Listening
PAW Parents Are Watching
PIR Parent In Room
POS Parent Over Shoulder
SorG Rex Sorgatz listening/watching/in room/over shoulder
TDTM Felching