Here is a terrible story from Russia about a woman who killed a traffic cop while driving drunk. After striking the officer with her Toyota, the 22-year-old woman pulled over to text her boyfriend. The message?

"Honey, I killed a cop. I'm sorry :( What should I do?"

Now, life presents us with a number of unforeseen circumstances for which we might want to express contrition; the fact that this young woman chose to use an emoticon is less detestable than the fact that her sorrow seems reserved for herself, and not the slain officer. Also, a frowny-face is a completely inadequate way to demonstrate your grief at over taking the life of another; at the very least you should shed a tear. :'( In any event, and as a service to our readers, here are proper expressions for alternate occurrences which require more than a simple :O

%( "I was so cross-eyed drunk I couldn't tell I was sleeping with your brother."

& "I regret molesting that toddler."

$x( "If I had known you were going to stick that into me I never would have put on the blindfold."

^o^ "I apologize for coming on your tits, Madonna."

!!!( "You're right, it was a pretentious name for a band."