Hey, look, here's the deal: Choire left an hour ago for his special secret hideaway in Mohampton and I'm SO NOT FEELING THIS DAY. How about I feed you a bunch of quicklinks for the next couple hours or so and then we call it a week? Voice your approval in the comments section. [NOTE: Lack of comments will also be considered a yes vote.]
UPDATE: Choire told me to go drink! So I'm gonna! Talk amongst yourselves! And have a good weekend. (Also, on your way out, do read this, it's fucking amazing.)
Will they involve bears?
Reply referencing ursine propensity-for-forest-defecation goes here.
yes. just post something funny about phil spector.
Nope. If I have to be stuck here avoiding work, you have to be stuck there giving me quality work-avoidance distraction.
It's in our contract, Balk. Read the fine print. Next to the part about bourbon.
Would you settle for fifteen more minutes of fart jokes?
um, no?
Is that why Choire didn't reply to my jaw-dropper that NOM-cunt Maggie Gallagher lives in Westfuckingchester?!?! I sent it to him as he is the Resident Evil, I mean Homo. Damn... The NOM ADS ARE WORKING!!!
MAGGIE GALLAGHER
53 CEDAR LN
OSSINING, NY 10562
Damn. Daddy shouldn't have posted that EASILY GOOGLABLE info. Don't hurt Maggie. Even though she's a horrible, horrible person.
Ugh, she's Irish. I am sorry about that Rod.
Her name is connected to that address in many other places on the net--including a file on the Heritage Foundation website.
God, GO HOME ALREADY. No one is reading!!! Check the stats if you don't believe me! Go drink already!
That's easy for you to say. I've got another 6 hours here.
So. You got the chip implanted in your head. I have to hold a fucking VHF antenna up in the air, which makes you guys super-edgy during thunderstorms.
Wow, you guys really are still in your cubicles. Get me your TPS reports by 5, I'll review them poolside.
I'm sort of tipsy here in my cubicle, so I'm just gonna sit here for the next few hours. Hope that's cool!
Son, do you realize who you're talking to? My CUBICLE has a cubicle.
If you're a half share, you're the opposite weekends as my gaggle of gays. We won't be running into each other at low tea.
There's a guy out there who djs. He claims to be straight and once his on me. Vito Fun. Ask him about his tatoo of his dearly departed cat Jason. On second thought, don't. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6ioeC-SaeA
LOL halfshare, as if. *turns up nose*
Well, WELL. Aren't we fancy, Mr. Just-Started-My-Own-Bloggy-Business. You should be broke right now, no? AND you smoke which means half your disposable income goes towards cigarettes...
AND he claims to shop at Lacroix. I would suggest that he's skimming profits, but ... you know...
Maybe it's family money.
@Jasmine: Vito's straight.
One of the funner things I used to do in New York was duck out of work on a sunny Friday and put on some SHORTS and go up to tar beach with my father's old portable bar--it was a samsonite case with stirrers and mixing cups and glasses and a place for a couple of bottles of booze (he is dead now but don't draw any inference about that) and I would bring a boom box and a lawn chair and mix up a drink and flop in the chair. When it got too hot, I would go over to the ledge and see if there were any lovelies sunning themselves on lower level roofs on my street --sometimes they would take off their tops!!!. Then I would smoke and mix a drink. Good times.
SUITCASE BAR
YES! They got them up on E-Bay for like $100. They had a little tray for serving too!
Ooooh! Or brand-new for $137: http://www.holdnstorage.com/itemdetails.asp?mod=PT-667-43&utm_source=GoogleProducts&utm_medium=Free&utm_campaign=ShoppingSites&zmam=53021449&zmas=1&zmac=2&zmap=PT-667-43
Which is probably not better.
"Perfect for the traveling bartender!" http://www.barproducts.com/index.php?link=/media/portablebar.html
I would go to the real beach but Arnie want to close them all cause CA is broke. Also my company does not have summer Fridays.
Our local beaches are reporting wind-driven fog.
And kittyshark is patrolling today.
Fuck no kidding, this afternoon feels like it's going to drag on forfuckingever. And the low hum of the AC overhead keeps telling me, go to sleep, go to sleep, that's it, just close your eyes, just for a few seconds, nobody'll come by...
But as Miranda July reminds us in her own 'quirky' way, this afternoon won't actually last forever, and we'll soon all be DEAD.
http://vimeo.com/1976212
Does anyone else here enjoy philately?
Depends on where the stress falls.
philately will get you nowhere
I'm fine with this, but could we have one link about Archie Getting Married.
Will this do?
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/books/05/28/comic.book.archie.marrying/index.html?eref=rss_us
I just woke up. This seems unfair. But I probably won't read anything else. It's really nice outside. No shorts vs pants pondering required.
I JUST walked by Shark Bar and they were playing some Eels.
Just post this and call it a week: http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/bruno/
I want a refund.
I am feeling some pacific coast slight right here right now.
I just finished my california cuisine lunch and returned to find this little conspiracy of early leavingness. I am now left (ass ussual) to fend for myself for the rest of a very long western afternoon (and since Siesta's are no longer recognized by the NAFTA gang--the afternoon is just that much longer)
I'm about to hit the gym during my lunch hour. Come back and heat up my home made lunch. Can't decide between the black bean chili or buffalo chicken salad. then surf the web for foreclosed properties.
You know we play tennis outdoors in California.
I haven't played tennis since high school.
This is like the grand old days at Gawker. You know, back when they had PizzaCam, and Josh wore sweaters even when it was 90.
And we'd all be sitting here on Friday afternoons, trying to beg someone to be unexecuted for saying something profoundly stupid, and wondering if there really was a Gold Star Motel.
There isn't.
But there was a guillotine.
(sigh!)
*snif*
SHIFT MEMO, YOU SHIFTLESS WHOREMONGER!
It's Choire's turn for that one. Hassle him.
God...
You're so proper you probably put at placecards at gangbangs.
The animal to which my neighbor was tethered on her walk by my window just now is a cat.
So Choire is the boss around here, huh?
I guess that means he writes the shift memo only if he FEELS like it. Boo.
Jesus Christ Balk, do you owe Moe some poker debt that you're trying to pay off via linkage? She can't write for shit, her theses are regularly fundamentally flawed, and I cannot account for your championing her. And now I need a drink, thanks a lot.
There's nothing wrong with Moe's feces. Or her shit.
I wish I had a camera.
I think Balk's preemptively trying to get away from the horde of stalkers sure to result from allowing his face to be posted on Gawker.
Where... at the Rooftop Party post???
And who broke the glass table?
No idea on the table. Balk's at the Mercury in Retrograde book party.
Ah.
Logged, I'm sure, by the pro stalkers and their farms of webbots.
And he isn't aging well.
He's totally rocking a Lenny Bruce/Ernie Kovacs vibe there.
Wait, so I have to go out into the sunlight now? Fuckin' ay.
Ooops, too late! Marine layer!
That sounds good. He'd probably keep me from dozing off.
This IS like old Gawker.And Moe defended herself more than admirably. and Linda Hirschshoeliners gives me a rash.
And Moe's defense against Linda Hirschman's silliness was the best thing I've ever seen her do. Moe, off the Adderall and the whatever else, you are a fine writer. and of course, we always knew you were a fine person.
Keep it up. and keep in touch.
"The problem of douchebags cannot be solved in courtrooms."
I'm feeling The Love for Moe and Emily of late, would you believe? Seems TerseNurse wuz wrong all this time.
Mea Culpa, Ladeez!
I hear you, Nurse. I am starting to think I was wrong about a lot of things.
If one were ever to want to brutally satire The Awl's "Shadow Editors" installment, one could not do better than this post's comments.
I'm done with my douchebag, if someone else wants to play with it for a while.
Fill it with some sherry and I'll swing by and pick it up!
OMG OMG Officer George Frankly, Mathnet, is totally on this stupid Un-broke ABC special, starring Scientology's Will Smith, which is playing on my teevee and explaining money!
I'M BROKE AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Mathnet is Paul Blart???? I haz a confuze...
Oh Moe....she can be so good...and so off the rails.
I'm always afraid to open her stuff because I'm nervous it will be the internet equivalent of a snuff film. She never seems to have any peace in her life.