Flicked Off: 'Angels and Demons'
"Angels and Demons" is a movie about a hot Israeli actress named Ayelet Zurer and her Bottega Veneta handbag, who goes everywhere she does, except when it doesn't.
The purse arrives at the Vatican, with Ms. Zurer, after she flies in from her super-big particle collider where she is researching Higgs mass and hierarchy problems or something. But in a shocking plot development, her bag soon goes missing!
MMM, where is your $3200 BV bag now? Is it in the police car? How will you get it back?
Oh are you trying to defuse an antimatter bomb you made up in your very large collider by replacing its batteries? Are the batteries… IN YOUR PURSE? WHICH IS HANDILY LAYING HERE ATOP YOUR COAT? EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS TO BE ABOUT THE SIZE OF A WALLET? Why has your purse shrunk so? Did your purse venture off to do some scenes in Night At The Museum 2 and come back ALL TINY?
Now let us go back in time. SERIOUSLY, WHERE YOUR BAG AT? You know those batteries aren't in the non-pocket of her dress.
If you had your bag, you could give that poor man some MOUTH TO BAG resuscitation!
Oh here you are, handbag! The bag is handy when they go look in the Vatican archives for directions to the Illuminati church which is mapped out by Galileo! And she steals something there and slips it into… some sort of thing that might carry other things but is invisible and is not a purse!
Then you're running through some tarps and scaffolding like you were in a post-apocalyptic Stevie Nicks video but you ain't GOT NO PURSE.
Also in the whole movie somehow you never get to see Ewan McGregor's wiener.
It's just a bad weave.
It's about time someone explored these issues in art. I'm still trying to figure out what happened to Flaubert's Parrot. And Claire's Knee.
"Also in the whole movie somehow you never get to see Ewan McGregor’s wiener."
Should have posted a spoiler alert.
The overall ratio of purse to peen left me so sad.
Did Ewan wear it out?
No, he keeps it in :(
All movie reviews should be like this.
(FWIW I saw the wiener in Pillow Book.)
This needs a Ewan McGregor tag. Man he has a nice wiener. Must go watch Velvet Goldmine again.
Add "Young Adam" to your Netflix cue.
I didn't know it had such a long resumé!
All I know is that if I had a cock like that I'd never wear pants.
STRONGLY AGREE
Non sequitur: In the early days of Jezebel there was a posting about Bottega being overpriced and that knock-offs were just as nice. I left a comment regarding the writers lack of knowledge of quality leathers and never went back to the site.
That was an improper usage of non sequitur, for which I apologize.
Yes, but it was a proper slag on Jezebel, so nevermind.
It was a perfectly proper use of non sequitur. Rod "doesn't follow" Jezebel.
Screw the non sequitur, the man knows leather from pleather.
OMG, Choire, a fellow bag queen–I'm in love
this post needs to be more gay