Yee-haw! It's the first of three blockbuster movie opening weekends! RIGHT NOW there's "Star Trek," and then there's "Angels and Demons" next weekend (Ha ha, I can't wait!) and then "Terminator Salvation," which is about an angry Christian Bale screaming at the future, on May 21, and then... well, a bunch of crap and then on June 24 is "Transformers Two: Megan Fox's Rack's Revenge." So let's start reviewing the big-budget blockbusters-with "Adoration," the latest adventure flick from Canada's answer to Michael Bay, Atom Egoyan! Blammo! Blam blam blammo!

This movie is about a frightening present-day Canada in which hot Scott Speedman, in a beard, is an angry futuristic tow-truck driver in some Canadian city. He is rocking the flannel and bad attitude. So he is raising this slightly creepy nephew, I guess, who is obsessed with his dead parents and, because of that, and because of his creepy, boundary-less teacher for some performance art class in his high school-they have performance art in high schools in Canada!-pretends his dad set his mom up to be a terrorist. Rude!

But he pretends this performance art is real, which I guess is part of the performance artiness of it, and everyone on the Internets gets all freaked out about it! But they are on this magical different Internet? Which is like, everyone has video iChat, and it's full-screen and high-bandwidth, and everyone, old and young, spends all their time looking at each other and chatting but chatting by talking, not by typing, and it's running on some operating system that doesn't exist on our planet.

This is so irritating, so endlessly irritating, so mind-blowingly irritating, that I could barely think about the rest of the movie, which ranges from mildly ponderous to kind of awesome to super duper ponderous. Here is the thing. There is an Internet. People chat upon it. It looks the same pretty much wherever you go. People mostly only use video chat for 1. jerking off and exhibiting themselves in acts of perversion or 2. to conduct fake Blogging Heads type videos. They do not video chat upon it regularly! And not in groups! Can you imagine what would happen if there were 16 people in a video chat room together? It'd be like *static* *ten people talking at once* *static*.

THAT INTERNET WILL NEVER HAPPEN, ATOM EGOYAN. THERE IS AN INTERNET ALREADY. USE IT IN YOUR MOVIES. Like, you wouldn't have a perfectly normal movie with a car that had rubber flying squirrel wings just because for no reason. Cars look pretty much like cars, whether you are in "Crank" or in "Herbie: Fully Loaded On Painkillers." It is a car!

Well, so, this movie goes on for a while, then it turns into a Hal Hartley movie for a little bit because there is this scene with the kid's teacher and Scott Speedman and an angry cab driver which is really funny and surreal. Then something ponderous happens.

Oh I don't know! I don't want to be mean about it. I mean, this is a smart movie, on paper, that just unravels a bit, or sometimes a lot, and doesn't make all kinds of sense but at least it's about crazy weird things! And in the season of the blockbuster, when you know how everything will always end (WILL CAPTAIN KIRK BECOME A CAPTAIN?), it's soothing to be watching a movie in which you don't know where terrorist dad or crazy cabdriver or hot towtruck-driver or stupid performance art lady will end up.

Previously: Wolverine, Tyson.