I WAS the kind of New York kid who played stickball in the street, made pocket change working at the local bagel store, kissed a nurse in Times Square when they announced the end of the war, and handed out leaflets on Election Day. I loved New York. I couldn't imagine why people would live anywhere else, particularly someplace like Medford, Mass., which is right outside of Boston, home of the hated Red Sox. You ever hear people from Medford talk? That accent is insane. It just grates, right? I'm trying to think of someone you might know from Medford who talks like that, just for illustration purposes. I'll keep thinking about it and get back to you.
I've spent a lot of time this year thinking about whether I should run for mayor. While that's been the question on my mind, a lot of people I have talked to have asked a different question: "How can you win? Also, is working for Chuck Schumer as annoying as you expect it would be when you hear him at one of his innumerable press conferences?"
It's easy to understand where they are coming from. (Especially on the second question, to which the answer is a resounding yes.) All you need to do is see the avalanche of television ads for Mayor Mike Bloomberg, whose huge war chest and incumbency can be daunting. Or as "daunting" as any 5-foot-6 man can be. (I'm a strapping 6 feet, by the way. Not that it matters. I'm just saying, I'm half a foot taller. I tower over him. He'd have to step on his huge pile of campaign money just to come up to my chin.) It's also easy to understand the desire to focus on the horse race aspect of a campaign.
But for me, these have been side issues. What has animated me most during these past months is how much Washington has changed, and the potential for greater movement still. With a progressive sweep in all branches of the federal government, major economic reform, a new energy bill and an overhaul of health care ahead, this is a moment when ideas matter. And here's the most important idea: There's no fucking way I'm beating that dwarf. So why risk it?
The discussion of how to have a new kind of politics has taken on a special significance for me as I've contemplated running for mayor of New York City. About two months ago I announced that I would postpone deciding whether to run. I believed the issues we were confronting in Congress were important and decisions about campaigns could wait. I was also hoping the guy would realize that he's one of the richest fucking people on the planet, does he really want to spend another four years frowning at firemen's funerals? Mike, you're a billionaire, give it a rest already. Three terms? Really? You must sit around meetings with allies and associates and wonder which one of them is gonna be your Donald Manes. This aggravation you need, with all your cash? Fugeddabout it!
But it's also true that there is no escaping the reality that political campaigns have become longer and more negative, and often seem focused on style and non-issues instead of substance. "Managerial style," for instance. Something you always hear about when it comes to this genius mayor of ours, what a great manager he is. Of course THEY NEVER BRING UP THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT he managed, DO THEY? It's always, "Blah blah blah the mayor doesn't even have an office! He sits in the center of the room!" Of course he does. SO HE CAN STARE AT EVERYONE'S TITS.
Anyway: The mayor is expected to spend $80 million of his own money in the race, more than 10 times what candidates who have not opted out of the city's public campaign finance program, as Mr. Bloomberg has, can spend in a primary. With spending like that, regular debates about real issues will probably take a back seat to advertising. (I hope someone does a dancing Sharpton ad again, wasn't that GREAT?)
As a native of Brooklyn, I'd be lying if I said I didn't savor a good scrap. Because that's what we do in Brooklyn: beat the shit out of everyone else. I remember coming up, my gang-we were called The Hooknoses, although no one was quite sure why-used to fight the Irish. The blacks mixed it up with the Italians. And everyone was down for a good rumble with the Puerto Ricans. I remember one time this Puerto Rican girl was dating a white guy and he wound up killing her brother after a climactic dance sequence. But back to the issue at hand: I'm disappointed because I'm increasingly convinced a substantive debate simply isn't likely right now. Also, I have no fucking chance of winning.
The personal choice for me is whether to run for mayor this year. I've taken stock of my life, my work in Washington and decided that now is not the right time to run, particularly if I want to win. I believe I have a contribution to make in Congress fighting for New Yorkers. (I'd also like to build a family.) DID YOU KNOW THAT I AM DATING HILLARY HOTTIE HUMA ABEDIN? Oh, you did? Just thought I'd remind you. Huma's half-Indian and half-Pakistani, by the way. Good demos.
I have respect for the leading Democratic candidate in the mayor's race, City Comptroller Bill Thompson, a respect that only reinforces my conclusion that running in the primary against him in September would only drain the ability of the winner to compete in the general election. And, let's be honest, neither one of us is beating Bloomberg anyway: Do I want to be the guy who primaried the black guy? That set Andy Cuomo back years. No thank you. I'll sit around in Washington for another cycle, making my ethnically diverse babies with Huma, and come back when a Democrat has a chance. I mean, it's not like they're gonna revise term limits, right? The City Council wouldn't be so self-serving that they'd take a shot at that, even if Bloomberg promised to support their campaigns with his goodwill and massive stash of money? Nah, never happen. See you in 2013!
Oooh, you know what I just remembered? Mike Bloomberg? Massachusetts native. They used to call him "the midget from Medford." Not that it matters. I'm just saying, guy's probably still a secret Red Sox fan. Anyway, bye!
Anthony Weiner is a member of the House of Representatives from Queens and Brooklyn who has no fucking chance of winning this year's race for mayor.
If I had $80 million the first thing I'd buy is more tits.
Keep the fucking change, Post Office!
this whole thing is incredibly awesome, like +150, but -1 for not including something about Ben Affleck.
The thing that struck me about Mr. Weiner's very lame letter explaining why he couldn't challenge the current Mayor in the next election is that he "loved New York." How odd to read him refer to this love in past tense! (And please don't tell me it's about the grammar.) As for Medford, MA associated soles, suggest you do a search using "Tufts University graduate" for names. That's one place that still takes on the area locals and provides a great education without demanding a change in accent prior to graduation. People in Cambridge don't take the same approach.
apparently that family mention was a marriage proposal. so that gets him another news cycle.
In retrospect, he actually could have won. Bloomberg spent all that money and had all those super smart staffers and still could barely squeak out a victory over a tomato can like Thompson.
I tend to doubt that. If Weiner had actually decided to run the Bloomberg people would have buried him with all the negative stories they were already feeding to the Post. One of the only reasons Thompson got so close was because no one was really worried about a Bloomberg loss in the first place.