We don't always cover every story that happens during each day's news cycle, so here's a capsule summary of what transpired today: It was discovered that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had Xanax in her system when the CIA lied to her about waterboarding. A brief Google outage left millions of Internet users unable to search for porn, resulting in a spike in demand for prostitutes on Craigslist, which was forced to reclassify their services as "retail sales," a subsequent drop in which caused the stock market to gain half a percentage point on the previous day's close. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger proposed selling Miss California to Fox News in an attempt to balance his state's budget; the offer was immediately accepted, causing spontaneous celebratory "tea parties" to break out nationwide. The New York Times remained under the control of the Sulzberger family, although David Geffen was seen climbing the side of the company's New York headquarters. The Earth continued to revolve around the sun.