Hey, look, here's the deal: Choire left an hour ago for his special secret hideaway in Mohampton and I'm SO NOT FEELING THIS DAY. How about I feed you a bunch of quicklinks for the next couple hours or so and then we call it a week? Voice your approval in the comments section. [NOTE: Lack of comments will also be considered a yes vote.]

UPDATE: Choire told me to go drink! So I'm gonna! Talk amongst yourselves! And have a good weekend. (Also, on your way out, do read this, it's fucking amazing.)

I'm a bad citizen, environment-wise, in that I don't really give a shit about my carbon footprint or whatever. I leave everything plugged in and crank the A/C as soon as the mercury passes 50; if I cared, I'd justify it by noting that I live in New York and use public transportation, but I don't care, so I don't bother, because by the time global warming's gonna be a major problem for those of us in the first world I'll be dead, an assumption which probably holds true even if global warming becomes a major problem for those of us in the first world next year or so. READ MORE

Part One: Bummed Out in Brooklyn
Our Heroine At Loose Ends – Just Another Memorial Day – "A Social History of the Color Pink" and Some Other Ideas – A Promise to the Astrologer – An Unsatisfactory Text Message

Once, ten years ago, Brooklyn had just been a place where Nicole's grandfather had been born. But now it was home. Manhattan was somewhere she could stare at with a mix of smugness and detachment from Gowanus Memorial Day parties while she drank vodka with agave-sweetened tonic and decided between Franny's and The Farm for dinner. READ MORE

An article in the American Spectator asking the probing question "What If Sotomayor Were White?," makes some good points! For instance:

Take everything that is known about Sonia Sotomayor and change three factors — her race, sex, and family's initial socioeconomic status — and the points cited in praise of her selection would be diminished by more than 50 percent. The complimentary commentary would be reduced to: Mr. Sotomayor graduated summa cum laude from Princeton and has had a breadth of experience over his lengthy legal career. That's it.

So true! In fact, she'd be just like Justice Samuel Alito, who also graduated from Princeton and had a lengthy legal career prior to nomination. Except she got a summa and he didn't. But, you know, six of one...

This evening sees the conclusion of Jay Leno's seventeen year stint as host of "The Tonight Show." Here's a tribute from early on in the funnyman's role at the helm by the late Bill Hicks. Great run, Jay!

Book Expo America is upon the epically embattled publishing industry once again. Things really heat up today and tomorrow-this is at the Javits Center, over at the ass end of Manhattan-with author signings and discussions like "Book Reviews 2010: What Will They Look Like." But the most attended event at the slower Thursday session was a panel of four publishing CEOs. It was moderated by former New Yorker editor, founder and editor of The Daily Beast, and ACTUAL BOOK AUTHOR Tina Brown. Elegant in pink, Brown's role was Emissary of New Media-"I now run an Internet site," she said helpfully-to the lovable but philistine Print Masses. READ MORE

Who is the worst neighbor in the world (at least, the worst since Peter and Raymond)? It is the Thompson LES Hotel, on the Lower East Side. Here is a recording of the goings on, courtesy of a neighbor. READ MORE

The other day I mocked GQ's fashion styling. And just now I looked at their Levi Johnston photoshoot, which ended with me screaming "I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING" and slamming shut that window. However! I finally read the amazing eastern Tennessee coal disaster story! A++! Excellent transaction! Would do business again!

Jeremy Piven's slick asshole routine was getting tiresome even before he faked his own poisoning to get out of that Mamet play, so I am ashamed to admit that I laughed at least a couple of times during this trailer for The Goods, the forthcoming comedy from Will Ferrell and Adam McKay's production team. I have nothing against stupid funny or crude funny, and the trailer offers plenty of both, but doesn't it seem like we've seen this movie, oh, about a million times before? Also, for your consideration: Jeremy Piven's smarmy douchebag persona is this era's version of what Bill Murray's cocky scamp was to the early '80s, i.e. the most common expression of male confidence in contemporary culture. (That theory probably needs to be developed a bit more, but fuck it.)

The sheer brilliance of this week's Crossword Puzzle becomes apparent when the answer key is revealed! READ MORE

Ten years ago the late Jerry Falwell caused controversy by declaring that the Antichrist was alive and well, and was most likely a Jew. This week, a pastor in Wasilla, Alaska, suggested that the Antichrist is a homosexual. I don't want to get anyone in a panic or anything, but I think, particularly given the long-held assumption that the Antichrist will be someone with great power to influence the masses, we should all be keeping an eye on David Geffen.

The Prestige II laundry, located at the corner of First Avenue and 18th Street, is closing early today! Do you know why? I do! READ MORE

Global warming is killing 300,000 people a year, says liberal conspiracy theorist Kofi Annan, who hates God's gift of coal to America. But he can't even point out who they are, because they are all people with difficult names in far-away places.

Did jovial weatherman Al Roker endanger the lives of jurors at Manhattan's Criminal Court by taking their photos in a desperate attempt to feed his insatiable Twitter urge? Probably not, but it makes a better story that way. Twitter kills! Also Al Roker kills! (If you missed the photos, don't worry, the Post has 'em.)

On Tuesday (or whatever Tuesday is called in Canada) the National Post's Robert Fulford equated the life of a television show to that of an art movement, or the history of a civilization. All three of these, he said, feature periods primitive, classic, baroque, and decadent. You probably had to actually show up for more than 25% of your sophomore year art history gen ed req in order to be able to define those terms, but the argument is nevertheless sound. However, it's more of an argument for why procedural television is stupid. READ MORE