The pandemic is on! I'm not a religious man, so I'll probably just spend the Final Days raping and looting, but for those of you who have the solace of faith, start praying, 'cause we're ALL GONNA DIE.
Who Pandemic was the one with "Baba O'Riley," right?
This is the work of the same evil god who torched my 401K.
To be fair, "Oh God! My savings! I'd rather die than work this job my whole life!" may have been the wrong thing to cry out.
They're playing Zany Golf on the Apple IIGS so you know it's serious.
'Will The Last Person Alive Please Tweet It?' is more a caption than a tag.
If we survive the swine flu I expect we'll be able to use it for whatever happens next.
I thought swine flu was like the pirates, in that it would be cured by the onset of the next news cycle. Guess I'm scared now.
No, I just changed the cat litter. To make it worthwhile I have to live at least one more week.
Will survivors of the swine flu become zombies? How will swine flu affect the ubiquitousness of bacon in Top Chef recipes?
Each time they cook with bacon there will be a video montage of swine-flu victims and a moment of silence? Alternatively, everyone will be pressured into wearing tiny bacon shaped lapel pins to show their solidarity with the pork industry.
The cardinal rule of Top Cheffery: you can't go wrong with bacon.
It will literally become either "Top Scallop" or "Top Pussy."
Much like the other Fabio, that comment was a blood-soaked avian rollercoaster accident of awesome.
cause weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re ALL GONNA DIE.
…just like Cuba Gooding's career?
I just hope I live long enough to see "World War Z" hit theaters in 2010!
Or the Road. Didn't they make that?
Kindly leave your doors unlocked if you're dying so I won't have to break them down when I come in from the country to forage for your valuables.
Take your stinking germs off me you damn, dirty pig.
Shall we all go stone that cute little Patient Zero to death or just draw his blood to test it for antibodies?
Avoid swine flu zombies at all costs!
The Last Days: I Was Told There'd Be Rape.
My one regret is that I never gave Smails that handjob he wanted.
You just know this shitstorm is going to sell a million copies of Neil Strauss' fucking survival book. There is no cosmic justice.
Can you imagine if they had reacted in such a manner to AIDS? There would be art and music and fashion in the world. And Miley Cyrus would be working at a McDonald's in Branson, Missouri.
I've always said that gays are worse than Mexicans, and now I have proof.
What's everybody all worked up about? So just don't fuck/kiss/fellate any pigs. Or Mexicans.
Obviously though, everyone knows the best defense against the swine flu is having an Oscar. Like, duh.
"So just donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t fuck/kiss/fellate any pigs. Or Mexicans."
Easier said than done, hombre.
It'll be a cold day in hell when I resort to boars and Guatemalans.
I'm throwing together an H1N1 Walk on the 16th, if you're interested.
Followed shortly by an H1N1 Stagger, an H1N1 Collapse, and an H1N1 Grand Mal-athon.
So, when's the next commenter fuckfest…er…meetup?
When the first commenter is diagnosed with swine flu we'll all cram into tight quarters and share some baked goods.
Needs more booze and nudity, but I like what we're saying so far…
Shit. And I was just about ready to stroke you guys a big investment check.
There is still time, however, to change the name to "The Offal." Might boost traffic. Briefly.
Or, "The Maul"?
I refuse to succumb to a disease that doesn't have a red threat level.
Besides which, who made level 6 the highest level?
It's good to be a size queen about threat levels.
Pearls before swine-flu.
Can we raise the stakes for tonights American Idol results show??? The one voted off will also be injected with the The Great Swine Flu of 2009 (TGSFO2K9).
Well, great. The nutjobs have already started talking about showing up at the border with guns and nobody is getting their lawns mowed in the Hamptons. Fabulous.
Pork rinds and jose cuervo party anyone?
This could really bring real estate prices down to my level. West Village Brownstone's will be going for two plastic bags, a mop, and a couple of rounds of aught-six.
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