Episode One in the incredible true story of the Worst Boyfriend In The World: The End of a Five Year Relationship.
Me: But I don't understand. If you knew you wanted to break up, why did you stay here and have sex with me for the last two days?
Him: (exasperated) "It's not like I dislike you."
I love reasons that are also double-negatives.
You'd think the ladies would know to give Jakob Lodwick a wide berth by now.
It was not untrue.
Look Evelyn, I already told you, it's not like I don't feel sorry for mauling your lady bits again.
I'd feel better about identifying with this fake-named columnist if she had a better fake name.
I would like to hear the boyfriend's side of the story. Not that I doubt he's the worst boyfriend in the world, I just would like to hear it.
I can't wait for future episodes, that will inevitably resemble my life.
Reminds me of a friend who had filed for divorce and, while waiting for the final judgment, visited the city in which her soon-to-be-ex-husband lived. She had initiated the divorce over his objections and despite his many teary protestations. Even so, she still had sex with him multiple times over the course of that weekend. I asked her why and her response: "the sex wasn't the problem."
Isolating the issue is half the battle.
Ok, first, I'm kind of surprised that my Hairpin login doesn't work for The Awl as well.
Secondly, MY relationship of 5 years is in the process of ending too! Only I'm now 3 months pregnant, I think he's having a mental breakdown and I now have to move in with my parents, who are pretty great as far as parents go but OH MY GOD I JUST TURNED 35 AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS because my darling best friend and boyfriend can't stop crying.
Can I please write a column for The Awl?
That's it? That's all you've got?