Science still unable to cure gay.
A famous Masters and Johnson study cited as proof that homosexuals can be "converted" into penis-in-vagina practitioners turns out to be pretty much bullshit. This should be a difficult blow for proponents of the conversion theory, whose previously touted methods of "constant prayer," "personality-altering medication," and "marrying Liza Minelli" have all proved to be similar failures.
I thought the National Organization For Minelli had a nice ring to it!
I think you'll find that proponents of the conversion theory find all blows difficult … TO RESIST!
YES! I AM BRINGING IT!
Straight conversion therapy is so much more fun. No wonder they're losing.
I mean, how does marrying Liza compete with 6 packs and shots of tequila, and the willingness to offer both the BJ AND the RJ?
This is disappointing.
Five of the last six men I met and wanted to marry were gay. There goes my hopes of converting any of them!
The one straight one was married and twice my age. Curses.
You don't have a prayer.
But seriously, take my wife please.
So I can go live in Miami with a Cuban boy named Francisco.
But seriously, I could keep this up all day.
Especially if Francisco brought Raoul too.
Be sure to tip your waiters.
Or if you're feeling very generous, just give the shaft.
Bringing the gay funny, yo.
If you can really keep it up all day, call me.
ALL DAY AND NIGHT FOR THE KITTEN!
ROWR!!!
Heterosexual marriage to Liza Minelli, however, produces the OPPOSITE MARRIAGE EFFECT, and with staggering consistency, studies have shown.
In my practice, I've been very successful in re-orienting the homosexual male. A simple slideshow of a topless Perez Hilton invariably does the trick.
Ouch. The mere thought of that has me confirming my heterosexuality.
And, big thanks to Moff for pointing the luddites to Gravatar for the avatar upload skeeelzz.
But then you have to be very careful to keep them from viewing any pictures from Sandra Bernhard's 1992 nude pictorial in Playboy. Otherwise, the whole process will be reversed.
The conversion of heterosexuals with personality altering medications like PBR is still feasible.
I watched Project Runway and got some gay on me. But then it washed right off.
This is probably isn't the same thing, though.
"I'm a big Gay Guy."
—Rick Majerus
Sorry. Wrong room.