Monday, April 27th, 2009

Irate tramps inflict bodily harm on fellow miscreant

My personal assessment of How Bad Things Are Out There is based on a daily perusal of the New York Post's crime blotter. It's a fairly simple formula: when it's mostly "livery cab driver assaulted by drunk passenger at 4 in the morning in Brooklyn," you're pretty much at status quo. When you start seeing office workers mugged in the Flatiron at 2 in the afternoon, that's when it's time to panic. Fortunately, incidents of that sort have been on the decline over the last couple of weeks, recent spate of gun crime notwithstanding. Here, however, is something that caught my eye today:

Two vagabonds brutally beat a fellow vagrant outside a Gowanus supermarket, where they deposit cans they've collected from the street, authorities said yesterday.

Vagabonds! How delightfully nineteenth century! I would like all of my crime news to be delivered in this fashion from now on! You'll be happy to know that the rapscallions were detained by the constabulary, while the unfortunate transient in question suffered only mild abrasions.

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BeRightBack (#59)

First pirates, now this. Can we call Bernie Madoff a "confidence man"? Tyson a "roughneck"? Anderson Cooper a "bunbury"?

News of this villainery has upset my bodily humors.

BeRightBack (#59)

I will call you NotAndersonBunbury henceforth, knave.

Slava (#216)

Get thee to the apothecary forthright!

KarenUhOh (#19)

My popinjay has developed a pantywaist.

Conversely, when I read "three clubgoers departing a venue in the Meatpacking District at 4 in the morning Sunday were beaten about the head and robbed of their cellphones and handbags", things seem pretty much right with the world.

fek (#93)

The Decemberists should start getting more NYP bylines.

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