A Fond Goodbye To GeoCities
Sad news on the Internets: GeoCities, a pioneering web-hosting service that you should probably ask an older relative about, is shutting down later this year. Even worse, Yahoo!, which bought the service in 1999 [for $3.5 billion], isn't being very polite to the existing users who will still find themselves "Internet homeless." In fact, if you read their Q&A page for victims of website foreclosure, you can almost sense a little bitterness and attitude on their part.
Why is GeoCities not accepting new customers?
Gee, I dunno, Einstein. Maybe for the same reason Sony's not selling a lot of Betamax players these days.I'm a GeoCities customer. What's happening to my site?
Well, let's take quick stroll down Sunset Strip and see: Oh, right, jack shit! Apparently you're "super stoked for the imminent release of Fairweather Johnson." Jesus, is that fucking dust on your website? How is that even possible?Will something happen to my GeoCities Free or Plus account?
Are you really this slow or is it the dial-up? You're done, dude.Can I prepare for GeoCities closing now?
Yeah, do that. Hurry up and save your shit or else posterity will never know that you felt "alone/with a heart made of stone/because he'll never phone" back in freshman year.When will I get more information?
We'll send you an e-mail telling you to "eat shit and die" in about a month or two. Of course, since the last registered e-mail address we have on file goes to a Hotmail account, you're probably not going to see it.Does Yahoo! offer another free hosting service?
No, Yahoo! does not offer another free hosting service. And you know what? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE. Seriously, don't ask around or anything, just trust us on this. We recommend our award-winning Yahoo! Web Hosting service, which includes a personalized domain name (such as widgetdesigns.com) and matching email, new site building tools, unlimited disk space and bandwidth, premium customer support, and more. IT IS THE ONLY OPTION EVER IF YOU WANT TO HOST A WEBSITE. [Cough]You fucking retard.[Cough]
So very tragic.
Wherever will I park my neons-on-black Shannon Hoon tribute site?
I nearly shit my virtual pants when I saw the $3.5 billion figure. I had to Google it to make sure it was true and not some joke that I'm too slow to get, and sure enough, I found this report:
http://money.cnn.com/1999/01/28/technology/yahoo_a/
There are some great tidbits, such as
"But that's not unusual in the fast-track Internet sector where multi-billion acquisitions have largely defined its growth — @Home, for example, agreed last week to pay a 40 percent premium for Excite (XCIT)."
@Home and Excite! Holy crap, I had totally forgotten those. And there was also this:
"GeoCities (GCTY) is the third most visited site on the Web behind AOL and Yahoo!, with 19 million unique visitors in December."
There's lots more, I encourage you to check it out if you are old enough to remember dial-up.
Oh Jesus, seriously, please read it:
"Appleby adds, too, that it's not too late for investors who missed the first wave of enthusiasm for Internet stocks, which have fast become the darling of Wall Street.
'We still believe that AOL is a great long-term buy,' he says. 'They are number one not only in subscribers but in revenues. We also like the financial services stocks, or the online brokers.' "
wait, geocities still exists?! i wonder if the spiteful celebrity snarking website i built in 1997 still exists! jesus what a horrifying thought.
Yeah, I tried to find my old Zach de la Rocha fan site and my "I Hate Hanson" club, but came up empty…I couldn't remember what neighborhood they were in! Sunset Strip maybe?
Sonofabitch. This means I'm gonna have to find a new home for my Third Eye Blind fan site, Third Eye Awesome.
Yay! Capitalism is taking my anonymous juvenalia out and burning it in the barbecue pit for me. Thanks, internet dopes!